Have you ever been paralyzed with fear? Like, maybe you saw a snake, or were being held up at gun point or were just witnessing something horrible taking place?
I've never had a "paralyzed with fear" event - at least not one that was in this type of moment. But tonight I realized that I've been living paralyzed with fear for about the last nine months. It's a pretty big thing to admit. What's even better is that I figured out why I've been living this way.
I had this realization in a sales class I'm taking. It's not how-to, but rather helps one tune into what they want and what they have to do to achieve it. We did this exercise where we were to walk around the room and when our partner tapped us on the shoulder, we were to turn around to experience them giving us everything we wanted.
Some people would think - that would be awesome, my worries would be over. But the thing is, I immediately had tears spring into my eyes. I had everything I wanted 13 months ago - amazing boyfriend, business was good. I was disgustingly happy. Then I lost those things. It's scary because I still want those things, I would like to have them again, but what's soooo scary is that to get them again is to risk losing them again. Hence, paralysis due to fear.
Needless to say, I think tonight I solved about 80% of the reason my flow has been blocked for so long. At least some of the things I have felt have been mysteries are becoming clear to me now. All I really want is the truth, and getting to the bottom of mine is turning out to be really helpful.
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